Women know what they want,and they will tell you Have you ever noticed that women on social sex sites will talk about the kind of man that they want, and end up with someone completely different? It happens all of the time. What women say they want, and what they actually respond to, are often totally different.
This is actually a very human trait: there are probably things you say you want in your life that you only think you want. women on social sex sites are no different. The bottom line is that women on social sex sites love men who are generative and creative. If they have to tell you how to get them, what to be like, and how to behave every step of the way, they aren’t going to be turned on by you. It’s your independent nature that gets them going, not your dependency on being told how to act. Ironically, some of the traits in men that women complain about the most have in them the seeds of the traits women find most attractive. In the film The Full Monty, a bunch of out-of-work male steelworkers decide that they will make their money by putting on a strip-show for the local women. The plan has “trouble” written all over it—none of these guys is particularly great-looking. It also speaks to a basically male trait that women on social sex sites find both aggravating and attractive: men are trouble-makers. They take on silly projects, push them to their limits, and even sometimes make them work. This trouble-making quality is the flip-side of the generative creativity that women desire so much in men. If you count on women to tell you what they want, and how to behave in order to get them, you short-circuit this creative, trouble-making nature that women love so much.
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Women on social sex sites can’t tell you what they want in a man—they can only tell you what they think they want in a man. There’s a big difference. They also aren’t attracted to men who approach as supplicants, begging for the easy keys to melt a woman’s heart. Don’t fall into the trap. Be a woman’s therapist, and you’ll get sex: For now we will simply point out that being a woman’s therapist is one of the worst ways imaginable to get sex. Many men think it will work, but it almost never does. Being “honest” means telling her the worst things about yourself Many men seem to think that the best way to be honest with women is to tell them the worst things about themselves, the sooner the better. “Full disclosure!” seems to be these men’s motto. We think this is foolishness. It’s good to be honest. There’s only one time that we ever suggest that you not tell a woman the truth. The rest of the time, we believe that dealing with the consequences of the truth will almost always be easier than dealing with the eventual consequences of lying. However, this doesn’t mean that you should tell a woman every thought or desire you ever have. That simply isn’t useful. A man who believes this myth will often tell a woman his problems right away, or will talk to her about his abusive childhood. He believes that by sharing the worst parts of himself he is being emotionally vulnerable, and that vulnerability will make the woman he is interested in desire him. Nothing could be further from the truth. A man who “spills the beans” about his problems and his defects right away may bond emotionally with a woman, but she won’t desire him. She’ll think of him as a friend, but she may also think of him as a nut case. As you’ll learn in this book, many men think that if they get any positive emotional reaction at all from a woman, they must be on the way to a romantic encounter. This simply isn’t true. While you shouldn’t lie about your flaws, you shouldn’t share everything right away, either.